1: When did the
Author first begin writing fiction?
She claims to have recently grown bored with the life
of a jetsetting supermodel and to have decided to turn her
hand to literary pursuits. Being loyal minions, we will
refrain from comment. We can only say that, after an
extended visit to Dante's excellent wine cellars, she
proclaimed her new destiny to any who were not fast enough to
get away. She currently entertains visions of a vast
publishing empire a few times a month, but is normally better
in the morning.
Where was the Author born?
|Although she frequently
changes her story, we believe her real origins to be Orlando,
Florida, the city of make-believe (which explains a good
deal). We uncovered an old photo showing the Author, at age
five, demonstrating her true nature by wearing the costume at
left to a Halloween party at her school. Her very strict,
church-run school. The fact that this attempt at humor was not
well-received unfortunately failed to keep her from her
Question #3: What was the
|Being almost unbelievably
lazy, she wasted many years pretending to study in a variety
of universities, eventually hanging around long enough to
obtain an advanced degree in history. We assume bribery was
involved. Recently the aforementioned degree took the Author
abroad, allowing us to breathe a collective sigh of relief.
She spent two years in Hong Kong getting up to many no-doubt
nefarious activities while purporting to teach. Our best
wishes go out to her students. We can only hope the damage
will not be permanent.
Where does the Author intend to
retire when she begins raking in vast publishing royalities or, far
more likely, wins the lottery?
||New Zealand's South
Island. The Author erroneously believes herself to be a
thrill-seeker and great outdoors enthusiast, although we have
noticed that she begins to whine after only a few days without
the mod cons. She enjoys New Zealand because it gives her the
chance to indulge her delusion while living in decadent
Question #5: What advice does
the Author have for aspiring writers?
As a service
to anyone who, undoubtably lost, wandered across this site, we have
distilled her ramblings into five main points:
1) Read. A
lot. Then read some more. Decide what you like to read best. Decide
what you like/don't like about what you like to read best. Convince
yourself that "I could do this!" Ignore anyone who tells you
otherwise (this was especially easy for the Author who rarely comes
out of her fantasy world long enough to listen to advice or, indeed,
to notice that someone is speaking).
2) Write. Write some more. Look
at what you've written and decide it's complete crap. Shove it into
a drawer and continue to write. Eventually cobble together something
you don't completely despise. Send novel to hundreds, if not
thousands, of agents and editors. Have them write back thanking you
for the scrap paper.
3) Repeat steps one and two
until someone offers you a contract. This may take rather a long
time. Possibly decades. However, for those of you less lazy than the
Author (a number we confidantly estimate at 99% of the population)
it may not take quite that long.
4) Receive publishing contract
in mail. Dance about merrily and purchase large amounts of alcoholic
beverages. Drink yourself into a stupor. (We would like to point out
that this final step is not absolutely necessary and is, in any
case, the Author's reaction to most news, including the fact that
the sun inexplicably continues to rise in the
5) Shake off hangover and face grim
reality that having a book accepted is only the first step of the
process. Go through editing stage and tear out hair. Buy wig. Finish
editing process. Submit finished novel. Buy more beverages. Start
Still want more? Wow, you're a glutton for punishment, aren't you? Alright, fine. Have some interviews. Or
go on over to the blog (News link above) and read the zillion and one
other Q&As she's done on the books. Seriously, they just go on and
on and on...