Welcome to Dante’s, a magical casino featured in the books of fantasy novelist Karen Chance. The staff here are glad to have you visit, but think you would be well advised to move along to the book section, which contains more important, and far more interesting, information.

Still here? Very well, but you’ve been warned. For the record, we did attempt to pry a coherent biographical statement out of the Author, but the best we could do was the following Q & A session. We take no responsibility for the content therein and ask that you please keep in mind that she is a fiction writer, which is another way of saying a proficient liar.

Question 1: When did the Author first begin writing fiction?

She claims to have recently grown bored with the life of a jetsetting supermodel and to have decided to turn her hand to literary pursuits. Being loyal minions, we will refrain from comment. We can only say that, after an extended visit to Dante’s excellent wine cellars, she proclaimed her new destiny to any who were not fast enough to get away. She currently entertains visions of a vast publishing empire a few times a month, but is normally better in the morning.

Question #2: Where was the Author born?

Although she frequently changes her story, we believe her real origins to be Orlando, Florida, the city of make-believe (which explains a good deal). We uncovered an old photo showing the Author, at age five, demonstrating her true nature by wearing the costume at left to a Halloween party at her school. Her very strict, church-run school. The fact that this attempt at humor was not well-received unfortunately failed to keep her from her current endeavors.

Question #3: What was the Author’s education?

Being almost unbelievably lazy, she wasted many years pretending to study in a variety of universities, eventually hanging around long enough to obtain an advanced degree in history. We assume bribery was involved. Recently the aforementioned degree took the Author abroad, allowing us to breathe a collective sigh of relief. She spent two years in Hong Kong getting up to many no-doubt nefarious activities while purporting to teach. Our best wishes go out to her students. We can only hope the damage will not be permanent.

Question #4: Where does the Author intend to retire when she begins raking in vast publishing royalities or, far more likely, wins the lottery?

New Zealand’s South Island. The Author erroneously believes herself to be a thrill-seeker and great outdoors enthusiast, although we have noticed that she begins to whine after only a few days without the mod cons. She enjoys New Zealand because it gives her the chance to indulge her delusion while living in decadent comfort.

Question #5: What advice does the Author have for aspiring writers?

As a service to anyone who, undoubtably lost, wandered across this site, we have distilled her ramblings into five main points:

1) Read. A lot. Then read some more. Decide what you like to read best. Decide what you like/don’t like about what you like to read best. Convince yourself that “I could do this!” Ignore anyone who tells you otherwise (this was especially easy for the Author who rarely comes out of her fantasy world long enough to listen to advice or, indeed, to notice that someone is speaking).

2) Write. Write some more. Look at what you’ve written and decide it’s complete crap. Shove it into a drawer and continue to write. Eventually cobble together something you don’t completely despise. Send novel to hundreds, if not thousands, of agents and editors. Have them write back thanking you for the scrap paper.

3) Repeat steps one and two until someone offers you a contract. This may take rather a long time. Possibly decades. However, for those of you less lazy than the Author (a number we confidantly estimate at 99% of the population) it may not take quite that long.

4) Receive publishing contract in mail. Dance about merrily and purchase large amounts of alcoholic beverages. Drink yourself into a stupor. (We would like to point out that this final step is not absolutely necessary and is, in any case, the Author’s reaction to most news, including the fact that the sun inexplicably continues to rise in the East.)

5) Shake off hangover and face grim reality that having a book accepted is only the first step of the process. Go through editing stage and tear out hair. Buy wig. Finish editing process. Submit finished novel. Buy more beverages. Start sequel.